How to Stop Being a Perfectionist

Are you sick and tired of being a perfectionist? You should be. After all, it’s impossible to achieve.

Since we live in an imperfect world, being a perfectionist is not part of God’s plan for us. 

Perfectionism is a personality trait characterized by someone setting unrealistic goals and responding critically to the outcome.  

Merriam Webster provides the below definitions:

Honestly, I’ve tossed around the phrase, “I’m a bit of a perfectionist.” I foolishly assumed this was a positive trait. 

“Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.”-James 3:2

As I stated before, perfectionism is impossible to achieve. 

Still not convinced? 

Look at our society. So many of us are battling depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Why is this? Because we live in a society where we’re taught to embrace perfection and reject imperfections.  

Since we’ll do anything to keep up with the masses, we don’t see the problem with taking on massive amounts of debt or changing our appearance. 

Listen, we all have a race to run, but we won’t get there by being a perfectionist. 

Let’s jump right in, shall we?

The Many Faces of Perfectionism

What Causes Perfectionism?

Perfectionism usually develops at an early age and intensifies as you get older. 

There is no clear-cut cause to explain why someone is a perfectionist. Some studies claim people inherit perfectionism through their genes, and other studies claim it is through their environment.  

Debate aside, I’ve found countless studies to support that one’s surroundings play a significant role.

Types of Perfectionists

• Other-oriented 

They hold other people to high standards and can be highly critical and judgmental.

• Self-oriented 

Highly critical of themselves. They define their self-worth on how well they’ve performed. 

• Socially-prescribed 

Believe others are highly critical of them. Set unrealistic goals and base their self-worth on how others see them.

Clear Signs You’re a Perfectionist

Fear of Failure

Fear of failure is one of the most common signs of perfectionism. When you’re consumed by fear of failure, you become paralyzed and cannot take action. 

Let’s look at the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14–30. A parable about a master heading on a journey and leaving his three servants in charge of his possessions. The first two servants invested their money and gained a profit. Meanwhile, the third servant dug a hole and buried his money. As a result, the third slave earned nothing.

I mean come on, technically you can’t fail if you don’t try, right?

God calls us to be good stewards of our resources. God is not pleased when we don’t take action.

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”-2 Timothy 1:7. 

Yes, life is uncertain, but God designed us with a purpose. He has equipped us with the power and self-discipline we need to fulfill His purpose.

Procrastination

Procrastinators avoid tackling their tasks and deliberately search for distractions. Procrastination incites a confusing mixture of both anxiety and achievement. 

It is a familiar story, and it usually goes like this: 

You sit down to write a 5-page research paper. The issue is that it is due tomorrow.  You stay up all night cramming together sentences and finish your paper right before class starts. However, you haven’t slept or showered for almost 24 hours, and your last meal was a bag of sun chips. It doesn’t matter because you are victorious. 

Listen, I’ve been there and still struggle with procrastination.

Hebrews 12:11 says, “No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward, there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”

Procrastination is a lack of self-control, and it robs you of your time and peace. However, being intentional about what you do can help you keep procrastination in check. 

Self-critical

You are your worst critic. You attack yourself with negative thoughts. You’re “not good enough” or “not doing enough.”

Do you struggle to move on after a situation doesn’t play out in your favor? Perhaps you catch yourself saying, “I’m so stupid,” “I’m an idiot,” or “I just want to crawl in a hole and…” It could be the most minute situation, it doesn’t matter, because all you can think about is what you should’ve done and what you shouldn’t have done. 

Don’t do this. 

It only magnifies your stress, anxiety, and depression. 

Sadly, we’re unable to recognize the solution to our problems because we are too busy torturing ourselves over the outcome. 

Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” 

First, stop punishing yourself for things you can’t control. Second, stop holding onto what has already passed. Finally, remove negative self-talk and replace it with positive self-talk.. 

The Bible’s View on Being a Perfectionist

God doesn’t call us to be perfectionists because we are already perfect in Christ.

Matthew 5:48 tells us, “But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.”

Perfectionism and Salvation Cannot Coexist

Yes, God is perfect, but he’s not a perfectionist. Can you imagine if He was a perfectionist? He would destroy us right now. Perfectionists hate anything short of perfect. So how can he love us?

Think about it. 

Romans 8:38-39 says, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Similar to society’s ideology of perfectionism, some religious leaders also have a flawed belief that Christians can achieve sinless perfection. 

Sinless perfection is false because it contradicts the word of God. If we could achieve sinless perfection, then Jesus died and resurrected for nothing. 

We are an imperfect people in need of God’s forgiveness and grace, which we can only receive through Jesus Christ.

Pursue Biblical Excellence, not Perfectionism

In the old testament, the translation for ‘perfect’ is Shalem, which means ‘finished, complete, whole.’ It is used to describe a person’s complete devotion to God.

Similarly, in the new testament, the translation for ‘perfect’ is Tam or Tamim, which means ‘complete, sound, or unblemished.’ Sometimes used to describe a person or God. But it’s also used to describe God’s ways and Law.

In Matthew chapter 5, Jesus was teaching the people the Christian Law. For fear that the religious leaders were abusing the Christian Law, Jesus instructed Christians on how they should conduct themselves and treat non-believers.

“What are you doing more than others?” 

As Christians, Jesus declares we are to be perfect as God is perfect. God desires that we are complete in holiness—this sets us apart from the world. The answer is not perfectionism, but biblical excellence.

Break the Spirit of Perfectionism 

Pursue God

“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” (James 4:8)

Build a personal relationship with God. You can accomplish this through prayer, worship, and bible study. As we grow closer to God, we will feel his presence more often. As a result, His presence will help us break the spirit of perfectionism and cultivate excellence.

Do it for the glory of God

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31

No matter what we do, we should do it for the glory of God, which means including Him in all we do. When we include perfectionism in our work, we’re not doing it for God’s glory, but ourselves. Our focus should be biblical excellence.

Complete what God has set before you 

“Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means.”-2 Corinthians 8:11

God always finishes what he started. We please God when we complete our tasks. When we finish what we started, it demonstrates our willingness to excel and our faith in Him. 

In short, to cultivate a spirit of excellence, and stop being a perfectionist, you must have self-discipline and be willing to put in the work.

The pursuit of biblical excellence is not a destination, but a course. Are you ready to work?

Here’s a Cheat sheet to help you Cultivate Excellence (and stop being a perfectionist)

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